Read Meaty Balls by Vincent Daniels Free Online
Book Title: Meaty Balls|
The author of the book: Vincent Daniels
Edition: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
Date of issue: March 3rd 2013
ISBN: No data
ISBN 13: No data
Format files: PDF
The size of the: 34.11 MB
City - Country: No data
Loaded: 1856 times
Reader ratings: 4.1
Read full description of the books:
Meaty Balls is an insightful and equally hilarious collection of essays by Vincent Daniels which the Metro Times calls "a welcome and original addition to the humor genre" and "perfect for fans of Sedaris, Chelsea Handler, and Tucker Max." The nature of Daniels' observational and frank humor will be a hit with fans of Jim Gaffigan, Aziz Ansari, and Louis C.K.
Meaty Balls holds nothing back in its honest, charismatic, and laugh-out-loud funny discussions regarding life's awkward moments, glorious mishaps, and shameless victories. Daniels recounts drunken Latin barbecues with ex-in-laws, breakfast buffet fecal explosions, unintentional golf club assaults, court battles for stolen corn dogs, a comic book hoarding centenarian's birthday party, a funeral for a stripper's church-going brother, and a highway run-in with his doppelganger. In between such expositions, Meaty Balls tackles hearty topics such as Vincent's summary on the F-word, a commentary on nicknaming, a rant on attractive people, an explanation of prolonged laughter, a guide to office laziness, and instructions on how to properly utilize impersonations. Daniels finds humor in tender subjects, like the coveted snacks his father wouldn't share, his regrettable career ventures, his love of foods that cause diarrhea, and his penchant for being accosted by strangers. This collection of smiley-faced cynicism and downright funny storytelling is delivered in Daniels' unmistakable voice, undoubtedly one of the finest fresh voices in American humor.
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Read information about the authorHi, I'm Vincent Daniels, author of Meaty Balls - a collection of essays, expositions, and insightfully elegant potty humor (which I heard you like). It's got like a million chapters (thirty, actually). I also released a new book titled Holly Jolly Nothing. It's a memoir recounting absurdities from my religiously-stymied childhood along with other awesome coming-of-age stuff. If you have any semblance of a heart, I think you'll dig it. Even some of you heartless A-holes will get a kick out of it too.
If you're asking, "What makes you so special that you get to write hilarious books that I'll love forever?" Here's why: I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and was out preaching to strangers about Satan's hooves as a ten-year-old. I wasn't allowed to celebrate birthdays or holidays but went to a public school where that stuff made up half the curriculum. Plus all the wonky beliefs and cult conventions are funny, in retrospect. Also, I'm half-Asian, which isn't intrinsically funny in itself, but being the only foreign-looking kid in an all-white, hillbilly suburb is funny, also in retrospect. Additionally, I was married into a Puerto Rican family and gained two hundred spicy in-laws who swear enough to make Martin Scorsese blush.
In addition to those balls-out hilarious things about me, I now live in Detroit, which has a large black population and a lot of crime. I'm not insinuating the two are related, I'm simply stating those things because that's what people usually think of when they think of Detroit. Though both are true, I've never been mugged or murdered by anyone black (or any race). Okay, this is coming out all wrong. One of my best friends is actually black. I'm tempted to rewrite this paragraph because it sounds suspicious, but I told myself I'd write this once and not edit it. This is getting wordy, so I'm going to list the other reasons I'm capable of writing a funny book without as much explanation:
5. Starting with "5" because technically there are four "Reasons I'm Funny" written above. I'm going to start a new "5" because this one got ruined by this explanation.
Real 5. After being married to the Puerto Ricans, I got divorced...and divorce is hilarious! (After you've moved on, lost weight, and bought a bigger TV.)
6. I'm an auto-industry stooge who gets paid to design auto parts while writing essays in a word processor minimized in the bottom corner of my screen. Don't tell my boss. (That includes you, PC-monitoring IT guy.)
7. I go to dive bars and drink a lot. I look foreign. I'm divorced. I have a black friend. We have sweet hip-hop dance moves. Antics ensue.
8. I'm a part-time musician who plays guitar, writes mushy love songs, and says, "Yeah, I've sold a bunch of MP3s," even though I've only sold ten over the past five years and only made enough money to buy a combo meal at Taco Bell.
9. I have a gigantic collection of rocks & fossils, comic books, '80s toys, movie memorabilia, weapons (non-functioning replicas), old-school video games, dinosaur books, hockey jerseys, lawn equipment, and button-up shirts that I never wear. The point being, I'm an expert on everything and exceptionally geeky in a sexy and sophisticated way that'll make you feel pretty cool.
So my advice is this: Nab a copy of Holly Jolly Nothing and/or Meaty Balls like the good-for-nothing nabber that you are, and live the remainder of your life, or at least a few measly days, in a cozy, orgasmic reading bliss. Let's cuddle after!
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